so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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