I think my fart just growled at me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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