The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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