I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
