the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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