This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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