If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
