happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
