life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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