YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
