Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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