I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
