So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Too much gin, very little bucket
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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