I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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