don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
