I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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