She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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