I bet he comes in French.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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