You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
