Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
