Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
