My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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