It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
