Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
