I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
