I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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