big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
