At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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