I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
