I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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