Ambien. No doubt about it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
