I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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