you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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