who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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