Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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