He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
