I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
