I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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