WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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