I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
