I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
