I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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