he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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