Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
