We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
