at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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