doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
