Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
