Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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