So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
