i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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