I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
