not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
